SAFE - Design Takes On Risk
No one feels Safe, but MOMA assures us: No one has to become a Disaster
Fashion Victim.
The objects selected for this exhibition have been designed to protect body and mind from dangerous or stressful circumstances. I, for one, am so happy to see this because, man, have I been stressed out. I mean, now that I am secure in my home away from home Final Home 44-pocket parka, well, I just feel settled. It’s easier to put aside those nasty little teeth clenching doubled over in abdominal pain nerves on fire anxiety attacks while imagining genocide.
Anyway, if my hubby had listened to me and gotten his Bap on, that blast impact would never have broken his back. Now, I won’t have to nag him any more. Luckily, my gigantic Ballistic Rose Brooch deflected that steel fragment from penetration. The clasp held, holding my stainless steel Headscarf in place as a wrap. Taking a Disaster Design risk saved me from becoming a Disaster Fashion Victim. I’m sorry to get philosophical here, but I guess my time just wasn’t up yet.
Waiting to be rescued, I really missed my Body Props, just lying around on the street on hard concrete all night. I would have felt much more secure embracing the floor as a living space.
There are so many choices of protection for the whole family. You can protect your three year old in a takata04-neo child seat, so that he/she can continue to run your lives. You don’t want to miss the fun of cute adolescent pranks, like maxing out your credit card, do you? My kid is a grown man, about to immigrate to Canada so I’ll just move along to what is really important, how to die with Disaster Design Dignity.
Everyone knows that it’s your fault if you can’t keep up with the Jones by wearing Disaster Designers, especially when the house next door is floating into a better neighborhood. Gangsta can stand up to Terrorism Trends anytime, but Natural Disaster Designs are what’s new and too cool for school.
Your purse size pooch doesn’t have to be left behind so let’s review the Dos & Don’ts of Safety Gear for Small Animals:
Dos Don’ts Why & Why Not
Hose Respirator & Mask Surgical Mask HR&M - The color is that muted green that is working its way into every fashion statement, it doubles as a disguise and the snout is so roomy. SM - Please, this isn’t brain surgery, not performed by the pooch anyway, I hope. (Ha, Ha)
Life Jacket Floatation Device #1 LJ - It’s easy to put on & may look good with the Fire Hat. FD - It’s enough trouble putting on the damn harness just to go for a walk, this thing is really impossible to get on during any hurricane above level 2
Fire Hat Hard Hat FH - Well, retro cute, cute, cute & duh, easy to put on.
HH - Look, it is much more likely that you stand a chance of rescue by a Fireman than a guy from the Village People.
Visor Safety Glasses V- The yellow rim will pull together the orange life jacket & red fire hat which was a fashion risk. SG - Don’t even ask about the last time we tried to put sun glasses on the cat during a vacation in a no ozone layer hemisphere.
Emergency Blanket Emergency Blanket EB - As a pull toy. EB- Doggies always kick the blankets off.
Bullet Proof Vest Florescent Safety Vest BPF- Color a yes with the Hose Respirator. FSV- No good for sneaking into emergency airlifts.
Plans for my secure future? Hell, yes, if I can collect on the life insurance policy, I will have a down payment on my Nido. I will so drive my ass Upstate, where I’d rather deal with a prison break wearing Gangsta than a tsunami wearing a Natural Disaster Design. My Ha-Ori shelter home packed in the back, I’ll arrive at my property, which is protected by the Sweet Dreams Security series. Here I can survive on the Vigil Home grub just waiting for me. Now that I feel “SAFE”, and look so good, there is no one here to see me. Oh well, at least I never became a Disaster Fashion Victim.
Design Objects from the Exhibition under the Categories of Shelter, Armor, Property, Everyday, Emergency, and Awareness
Exhibition on view on the 6th floor, MOMA, October 16th, 05 thru January 2nd, 06.